It’s tough to know someone’s potential, but not see them living it. It’s tough to know if they just followed through, they’d get to the other side and be okay. It’s tough to see someone suffer, be frustrated, lack confidence in themselves and still not take appropriate actions.

How can we support them and help them build confidence to breakthrough rather than breakdown?

First, we must know what not to do:

1. Be angry at them

2. Yell at them

3. Belittle them, tell them they are stupid

4. Ask “WHY” questions… (they automatically put the other person in a defensive position)

5. Be a hypocrite (for example a parent that says, “Do what I say, not what I do!”)

Yeah, that’s a pretty good summation of what “won’t work!” Ask yourself if you’ve ever had a positive outcome from someone attempting to “positively” influence your potential by doing any of the above 5? Have you ever been yelled at and then been like? “Hells yeah, you are right on, you have so inspired me to take different actions, THANK YOU!”

So, what do we do?

1. Accept where they are as a necessary place where they have an opportunity to learn a lesson

2. Be a constant supporter – let them know you are there for them, you’ve “got their back”

3. Help them build a “safe zone” where they can learn the new needed skill in a safe environment, before taking it to the real world, then help them slowly integrate it in the real world

4. Ask HOW and WHAT IF questions that paint a picture of what their life could look like if they did have a Breakthrough

5. Give them space and allow them to make mistakes – you can’t swoop up and rescue them and rob them of learning a vital lesson.

Here’s the HARSH REALITY:

Every person in your life, especially the ones you love, are perfect MIRRORS for what’s happening in your own life. If you see someone not living their potential, what you are angry at, is a part of yourself that you unconsciously identify with where you aren’t fulfilling your own potential.

That’s the deeper homework: while helping build confidence in someone else, ask yourself, “Where do I need to build confidence in myself as well?” You can’t see a fault in someone else, if you don’t have it in yourself as well.

A quick example: let’s say, you have a child that’s afraid of learning to swim. That doesn’t mean you have a mirrored issue with “learning to swim” as well, however here’s how you can learn from that. What emotions come up for you? Are you upset at them? In your perception, what do they need to do to get over their fear? Then ask yourself, “In what area of my life am I experiencing the same emotions about myself?” Oh, boy, if you ask yourself that question, are open to the answer, and are willing to take you